I have to be very quiet...

...because I am laying in bed on John's computer checking my email and other random things I do online at night. (he just heard me typing and rolled over ... I shut the screen so he wouldn't see this ... or he'll stay awake wondering what I'm doing) 

I decided to check out his computer and see what he has on here, aaaand if I happen to find anything funny or just kind of weird, I decided I'd post it. (he's going to roll his eyes and say "she just needs to go to sleep.") However, I'm not a good sleeper. Never have been. I'm a night owl. He's slowly changing me since we've been married and I'll go to bed with him, but stay awake forever reading or doing whatever else I can do (mostly thinking and counting the time.) 

This is what I found: 

This beauty was taken at Lake Powell. We were hiking around and he didn't want to get his basketball shorts wet. I loved this picture then, and still do today. 

This was taken about 10 days before we got married :)

This was also taken at Lake Powell. I actually really like this shot. This is one of my favorite places. This was also taken about 9 days before we got married. 

The year before when John came to Lake Powell with my family he accidentally told me he loved me. Best "accident" ever! 

This was taken this summer. On July 26. SIX years to the day from when John was diagnosed with cancer. We made him cupcakes (in his mouth) and took a picture to kind of "celebrate." 

I still have a love/hate relationship with his cancer - that will be discussed again later.

And then I thought I'd include a couple shots of the two of us. I'm really not that great about taking photos. I'm sorry. I usually steal them from others. Oh well.

And, here's me when I was little and we still lived in Arizona. I loved this tricycle. I used to ride it around all over - my mom wouldn't exactly love it when I would ride it into the house. I can't imagine why...

On anther note, we had dinner tonight with John's brother, Craig, who is in town doing interviews on BYU's campus for potential interns (I think it's for potential interns...). John was so excited. I love that he loves to be around his family. We are very lucky to have family on both sides who we all get along with so well.

Can you believe ....

.... that it's been (1 day) over SEVEN months since this happened ...

and this ....

and of course, John's favorite ... 

and I looked like this ...

and this tender moment happened ...

and then we played here ... 

and here ...

Great times. I love being married to my best friend. 

Thank A Soldier

I received this video in an email from the Father of a lady I used to work with in Vegas. He is an ex-marine who fought across seas, and often sends me emails with videos, poems, links, and other things about the USA, the military, and other pro-America articles. I love every single one of them. This video really touched me for some reason. I decided to share it with you so that maybe you can share it with others. God Bless America and our military!


Click HERE for the video. 

This is where our mail gets sent ...

It's pretty easy to tell that we are both students and working a lot when you usually walk into our apartment. We try to keep it as neat as we can, however, we don't have a lot of room for books, laptops, papers, etc ... so that is often found on the floor of this room (you can still see the internet cords, oh well): 

Our main living area/kitchen

And here is another view: The wall to my left as I'm taking this picture is kind of bare. I'd love to put a love seat or something there, but I can't find what I like and I can't fathom spending money on something I'm not going to love once we move out of here. Oh well.

And of course, the obligatory bathroom shot. It's actually a pretty decent size. To the left of the sink there's a couple feet of counter space which is ideal for my lotions and when I get ready in the morning.

This is our laundry "room" (or hall) as you look into the bathroom. Just behind that wall where our washer and dryer sits you'll find the living area/kitchen. And to the right of the wall where you can kind of see a door is our bedroom.

Here's the bedroom. We love our bed. It's so comfy. We have a little balcony which was so much fun ... until we started to freeze every time we opened the door (we probably haven't stepped outside since the end of October). We don't have a whole lot in here either b/c bedroom sets are more money then I'd like to spend for an apartment that we won't be in for too long. I figure when I buy our bedroom set then I'll buy the nightstands, matching dresser, etc. For now, we have a little dresser which we love we found at Costco (where you can find everything), and a lamp and a picture and some other things. You can kind of see the dresser, next to the dresser is the door to our wonderful walk-in closet. Seriously, I love it. It's the best closet for a marrieds apartment here in Provo.

That's all folks! I know I'm way behind on posting these pictures! I'd try to make up an excuse, but I'd be lying so I'm not even going to try.

Roll Tide

Well what a game. Yes it was to bad to see Colt get hurt and early, but it was a great night for Bama. My pick for play of the game would have to be the stiff arm by Marcell Dareus after his INT. To my good friend O-Man, I feel for you during this tough time. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as I know how I feel after just a regular season loss. When all is said and done ROLL TIDE.

2010

Sundays are the best days for us. We have church at 8:30am, which means we are home and in our comfy clothes by noon. We can take naps, eat a nice meal, watch football or basketball, and just relax with each other. We only have one problem. We have a tiny apartment, which means that we don't have a lot of walking around room. When I am stuck in a small area for too long I go stir crazy. By about 7:30 or 8, I had to get out and move or I would drive John nuts with my weird humor and thoughts. We went for a little drive then came home and talked for awhile about our upcoming schedule with school, work, vacations, and everything else we have going on.

We decided that we are going to organize our time better and make sure that we are where we need to be and doing what needs to be done no matter what the consequence in our personal lives back home...like a not so great meal, or ironing that doesn't get done right out of the dryer, or we only see each other for about an hour or so a night before bedtime, or not going on vacations...so be it. We have faced the reality that we will not be able to adopt a baby or move forward to grow our little family while we are both in school and "playing" too much. Life will get a little crazy these next couple months, but if this "crazy" time leads us to the happiness of having our own little family that we both so desire, then we'll do it.

My cousin wrote a post on her blog recently about Faith and moving forward by not looking back on past trials, obstacles, or issues. I loved what she wrote and how she said it. Her words always inspire me and make me wish I knew all that she knew. This is from the last paragraph of her post and it touched me so much, I decided to share it:

Dearest 2009, thank you for giving me experiences my life much needed, thank you for teaching me how to love and how to be loved, thank you for filling my soul with patience and trust, thank you for allowing me to grow old without that regret.  However, 2009, we must part ways taking from you what I learned and moving forward with that surety of Faith that I know I have, thebest, in my life, is yet to be!

2009 was such a great year for me. Words can not describe how much I grew and changed last year. I married my best friend and gained another great family. I have learned how to love more and how to let someone love me. I have faced one of my worst fears of not being able to have John's babies, yet have also leaned on the Lord more than I felt like I deserved. I have been that person walking around the mall or grocery store trying to get a grip on my emotions and occupy my time on those days that I am trying to hold myself together. I have strengthened relationships with friends and family members who have been at the other end of the phone or conversation when I needed them most. We are not sure what the Lord has in store for us next, but we are anxious for the journey. 

Christmas Vacation

This year we spent Christmas at my house in Las Vegas. I went down a little early for my good friends baby shower while John stayed in Utah for one of his really good friend's weddings. He drove down on Sunday, which also happened to be our six month anniversary, and we spent the rest of the week together playing with family and relaxing.

John's brother lives in town with his family so we saw them every day and his sister from California came in town with her family. It was SO much fun seeing all of the little kids, however, I woke up Christmas morning with a sore throat and then my voice came and went the rest of the week. I felt so bad playing with the kids and it was kind of hard for me to see them, but not get down and play with them. Oh well. I guess I have to grow up one day and chat with the adults. :)

Christmas day was so much fun! We woke up early and went to see the little Cannon kids open up their Christmas presents before my family was all awake and ready to see what Santa brought. It was pretty neat to see their little faces light up when they came down the hall. Santa brought John & I a camera which will be very helpful in so many ways. Hopefully now we can post more pictures and things on the blog. Unfortunately, it needed to be charged so we didn't get any photos of Christmas day. I'll get some from my family and post those later.

We did go shooting on Saturday after Christmas and I took some photos of that. John loves guns and I'm pretty sure he had a great time shooting. I didn't shoot as much as I usually do b/c of my stupid throat...I didn't want to totally lose my voice out in the cold. I shot the Henry rifle and the revolver and I was good. I love those guns! They're so easy to shoot, and I'm a lot more accurate with those two.

When we got back from vacation we had to register our car in Utah. It was hard for us to take off the Arizona plates, but the law is the law. I took a picture of John as we were walking into the building b/c he was so sad. The picture was funny, so I'm sharing. (its nice to have a camera in my purse to capture candid moments!)

2009

This year has FLOWN by! I feel like we just got engaged a couple weeks ago ... now it's been almost a year! Our 6 month anniversary is on December 20th, and that just blows my mind. I kind of feel like we should celebrate and go somewhere - anyone want to join me on the new "EPIC"? (We took an NCL cruise for our honeymoon, and they just sent us a big packet about their new boat, the Epic. We kind of thought "shoot, maybe they want us to join them!?" I think so.

Here is a run down of our year together:
January: We got engaged!

February: We went to LV for my sister's wedding, and I begin wedding plans

March: Bridal Shower # 1, my folks come in town and I try on the wedding dress I loved in the store, luckily they loved it too and it became "The One."
April: Moved to Phoenix where I stayed with my grandparents and John stayed at his house - started working full time and wedding planning in full force. and Bridal Shower #2
May: My birthday :) Bridal Shower # 3 and # 4. (when you have such big families, I guess you get a little more family time - we loved it!).
June: went to Lake Powell with my family, WE GOT MARRIED, went on a cruise alone, moved into the guest house at my grandparents.
July: Met up with John's sister, Courtney, and her family at the beach in California, spent a lot of time outside in the pool (i know the pic is of my niece, but it's so cute and she always came swimming with us), playing cards with Grandpa (john), and reading and watching sports with Grandma (me)
August: the summer that changed our lives comes to end and we move back to Provo, start school, begin decorating our apt. My sister has her little baby, Kyleigh.
September: My family and grandma King come into town for Kyleigh's blessing, weather begins to cool down, we already pull out sweaters
October: weather is getting a bit cooler, we pull out jackets. John's sister in law, Kamy, has her baby, Karly. We get to see Karly TWICE this month as we go down to Las Vegas for my good friends wedding, and Karly's blessing (this weekend carries into Nov)
November: we begin this month in LV where we spent Halloween and attended Karly's blessing. Good times. I love family get togethers. We also get to leave this frigid state for Thanksgiving in Phoenix where it's a beautiful 81 degrees. 
December: We freeze. So far everyday this month it has been big jackets, scarves, and lots of snow. I even pulled out my socks. Yes, I hate to wear socks. I typically wear flats that don't require socks, or sandals/flip flops. Socks are just not in my regular attire. I own about 5 pair and they last me the entire year. I have worn socks twice now this winter. Go me.
Oh, we're spending Christmas in Las Vegas. I can't wait to see palm trees and green grass!

Love you all.

(John's in bed already ... I'm about to go see if he stole my pillow or my side of the bed again. :)

PS: I was told again this week that I need more pictures. I'm sorry. I'll get better. Please forgive me.

Halloween Weekend

We went to Las Vegas over Halloween weekend for the blessing of our new little niece, Karly. We had a great time! We carved pumpkins, went trick-or-treating with the kids, and played with lots of family that came in town.

My mom decided about the day before we all showed up (my older sister and her family came in town for the weekend as well) that we would take family photos. Yippee. I like family photos b/c it's always fun to go back a couple years and see how we have all changed so much, I just prefer not to all match. Oh well, we didn't have enough time to coordinate, so matching it was. This year we added 3 people to our group: John, Jared (the only dark one in the group - he married into the family in Feb), and our sweet little niece, Kyleigh.

The Boys

The Girls

The Fam

US!

Proof!!!

There have been a couple of times that John goes to bed before me. For a couple of minutes we have a little conversation while he's in bed and I'm on the couch that goes like this: 

John: Baaaaaaaaaaabe. Come to bed. 

Me: Not yet. I'm busy. 

John: WHY? Can't you do it later. 

Me: No. (and a smile forms b/c I know what's coming next)

John: Well, then HURRY! 

Me: I am hurrying. 

John: Ok, I'll try to wait up for you. 

Me: Yeah, okay ... I'll wake you when I crawl into bed. 

John is very good at falling asleep within minutes of crawling into bed. Me on the other hand, not so much. I crawl into bed and I feel like it's time for "pillowtalk." (I like to know his schedule for the following day and when and where we'll see each other, etc) However, if I am not in bed about the same time as he is, I have to forget about "pillowtalk." John will always be asleep before I make it there. I appreciate him trying to stay awake for me, but it has yet to happen. Usually this is what happens ... 

HE STEALS MY PILLOW!!

Or, he has invaded MY area! I sleep on the left side when facing the bed. John is on the right. We have a King sized bed. PLENTY of space, but I know that he will be in my area. Sometimes it's just the pillow, sometimes he's totally on the edge of my side, and sometimes it's like he's trying to create an "X" with only one line, and his head's on my pillow, yet his feet are in his area. Cracks me up!

Last night I walked into the bedroom after typing some stuff up for my RS lesson today and decided I needed a picture to show him. (he thinks I'm making this up at times). We actually do sleep pretty close together so we're kind of touching throughout the night, but at least I don't have to fight him for half the bed.

But, secretly, between you and me...I love it. I love that he is trying to find me in his sleep and wants me next to him. It is pretty cute. I may have to fight him for space and steal my pillow back, but I always fall asleep with a smile on my face that night.

I love my life.

Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

Just in case you were in the market for a Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank ... I found one. 

CLICK HERE 

You're welcome.

PS: Check out the comments and pictures. They are the best.

I read this article and couldn't help but giggle ... this will totally be me in a couple of years!! Bless my future children's hearts. I hope they forgive me now, b/c I will try to be "crafty" one day. I just know it.

Glue Gun Control

by: Lynn Ruebeck

I am not good with a glue gun.

I can shoot a pistol with great accuracy at a paper target, but ask me to glue together paper from Target, and it’s a whole different story.

The glue gun is the weapon of choice for crafters worldwide, and quite frankly, I think we need stricter glue gun laws. This suggestion may upset some of you (especially members of the NGGA, the National Glue Gun Association), but hear me out. I think there needs to be a “cooling off” period before one is allowed to buy a glue gun.

Some women craft too impulsively, including me. One day, I watched Martha Stewart on television miraculously assemble an entire holiday scene in minutes with merely a glue gun and scissors. When the show ended, I excitedly dashed out the door to the craft store to buy the supplies.

Without any screening, I was able to purchase a glue gun and a holster. I bought extra sticks of sticky ammo. I turned the glue gun over in my hand and relished the power of being able to make things stick together permanently. I am now convinced there should be a 5-day waiting period on glue gun purchases and that craft stores should be required to run a background check.

When I got home, I loaded my weapon and fired a few beady rounds. I discovered that when it comes out of the gun, the glue is hot. Very, very, hot.

When I accidentally glued together my fingers, I dropped my crafting Uzi, which was still oozing glue, onto a stack of bills. As I grabbed the gun and separated it from the bills, a web of glue stretched across the entire kitchen. My children walked into the sticky crossfire and the glue enveloped us. We immediately bonded, but it wasn’t exactly the family bonding experience I had been hoping for.

“Eww, what is all this stringy stuff?” said my daughter as she brushed aside the floating strands. “It’s just a little glue. I’m just working on a craft project,” I said. “Mom, you know you aren’t supposed to do crafts,” said my son. “You never finish any projects.” “Yeah, remember how you started crocheting my baby blanket before I was born, the one with the squares you had to assemble?” my daughter inquired. “Of course I do. It was yellow and white.” “Last year you gave me the six small squares that you finished and told me they were potholders.”

“This is different. I have a glue gun now, so I’ll finish projects the same day I start them,” I said, brandishing my glue gun in the air.

“Mom, just put the glue gun down and back away slowly so nobody gets hurt,” my son said. “I can’t,” I replied. “Why can’t you?”

“It’s glued to my hand.”

I found this article here:     http://www.thechristianpulse.com/2009/11/18/glue-gun-control/ 

College Gameday

About two Saturdays ago, ESPNs College Gameday was in town. Apparently the only good game played that day was BYU vs TCU. (boy, were they wrong! haha) Everyday that week, John would drive by the stadium just hoping and praying that the Gameday RV and bus had arrived. 

On Thursday, John and one of his old roommates noticed there were people already camping out in the stadium parking lot (they only let a certain # of people in the "ring" and the rest of the people have to stand outside). John told me that he had to campout in the parking lot too b/c this was a "once in a lifetime opportunity in college"  (only if you live in Provo ... a lot of other schools get Gameday all the time ... but who's counting?) 

Friday came around and John and his cousin, Sam, had their gear out by 11am. He was pumped. His old roommates were getting pumped. And I was feeling so grateful that the old roommates were going to stay with him so I could stay in my nice warm bed and sleep in comfort. 

I got home from work around 9 on Friday night and John told me I needed to pack my stuff up b/c we were both staying the night in the parking lot. Apparently, there was another girl also staying the night and I could not be outdone. I had to stay. I knew I could do it, yes, I would be tired for the next week or so, but I couldn't be the girl who went home early. 

The night started out pretty clear, a slight chill, but we were prepared with a ton of blankets. The rain started about 1am and lasted for about 2 hours. By the time the tents arrived our blankets were all a bit wet and I was cold. I went home around 3:30 and took a quick shower and warmed up and came back around 4:30. The line started forming about 5:45 and after a lot of confusion we made it into the coveted "Gameday ring" around 6am. We waited in the 3rd row smashed against a ton of other die hard fans for 1 hour until the 3 min segment on Sportscenter at 7am. The actual Gameday show began at 8am. After making it on TV with the camera scanning the crowd we decided we were too squished to stay up front. We made it to the back of the ring around 9am and stayed there in comfort until the show ended at 10am. We made it home after grabbing a much needed bite to eat around 11am. We both took quick showers and then a nap before I had to head to work and John had to go to the "BIG GAME." Too bad BYU got embarrassed by TCU. I bet College Gameday won't be back anytime soon. Bummer. 

Here we are at the back of the ring before the show ended. 

Our "campsite." Complete with canopy, couch, two tents, BBQ, and lawnchairs. (too bad the canopy and tents didn't arrive before the rain)

Excited & Embarrassed

Hi. I'm Stephanie and I like Jacob Black. Whew. I got that out.

I am excited to say that I am going to see the New Moon movie on the 19th at 8pm!! That's FOUR hours before it 'officially' comes into theaters on the 20th. The owner of the store I work at is slightly obsessed with the Twilight series and has teamed up with a couple other stores to rent out an entire theater so we (as well as a bunch of other people) can watch the movie early. I'm pretty pumped. I've never been to a movie on opening day. I love movies, I just hate fighting crowds.

Now that I have said that, I am slightly embarrassed. I feel too old to be this excited. I think it's b/c I get to walk out with a smile on my face as I watch all the teeny boppers and others sit in line until they clean up after me so they can go. I will be at home sleeping soundly and dreaming about the movie while everyone else in the nation will be in the movie. Awesome.

And to all those Edward fans: Your time is up. GO TEAM JACOB!! 

(i feel like I'm 12 when i say that. oh well)

Anyways, if you live anywhere near Lehi/American Fork, Utah and would like to get in on this deal, please let me know ASAP. I can still get tickets for friends for $10.50 for the next two or so days.

Our first boy

The boy's name Fitzgerald \f(i)-tz-

gerald, fit-zge-rald\ is of Old French and Old German origin, and its meaning is "son of the spear-ruler". Middle name of John F. Kennedy, and the last name of his grandfather, who was known as "Honey Fitz".
For more information, see also the related name Fitz.

Fitzgerald is an uncommon first name for men but a very common last name for both men and women (#417 out of 88799). (1990 U.S. Census)

Displayed below is the baby name popularity trend for the boy name Fitzgerald. Compare Fitzgerald with similar and related boy names.

This past weekend we found ourselves warming up again in Las Vegas. It was so nice! My good friend, Melanie, got married on Saturday. I couldn't miss it, and I'm glad we went. It was beautiful.

We also were able to meet our new niece, Karly, for the first time, and attend two soccer games for Karly's older brother and sister. Vegas was wonderful.

On the way back we stopped in St. George for a couple hours to see John's sister, Mandy, and her family. We both love spending time with family so the weekend was a success. Now we're back to the grind in Utah.

Our next vacation will be in Phoenix for Turkey Day. Now we just have to figure out who's family we get to spend the activities with. :)

Weekly Goal ... and stuff

I decided I'm going to try to post on a weekly basis. Maybe every Sunday afternoon or evening.

I also feel that if I tell people my ideas, that maybe I'll receive some sort of motivation and actually do it!

We are going to Las Vegas this weekend for one of my good friend's weddings and I'm pretty excited! We also get to see lots of family and new family members - Johns brother and sister in law just had a new baby girl. :)

This past week has been a busy one. I get home from work around 8:30-9 every night, and the nights that John works late, he's not home until around 10:30 or 11. Add that to 4 tests for John, lots of reading/writing for me, and we were so grateful to have a very relaxing Conference weekend. It was so nice to watch conference with John in our PJs and eat cinnamon rolls.

On a side note - I'm trying to find 1 more professor to be on my thesis committee. I think I just may have the President of UVU now. I got a call from his secretary this morning and she was going to get the final clearance from him. My fingers are crossed that he can do it b/c I've emailed and talked to a lot of other people that can't. I'm also really really nervous b/c that is a lot of pressure on me and my rough draft is due next Wednesday! PLUS: it's Dr. Matt Holland, son of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. We all know how amazing he was on Sunday!

John is so clever

That last post was by John. He thinks he's soooo clever. Luckily, TWO of us will have to agree and sign off on this. At least ONE of us is sane and logical.

For those of you who are confused, Fitzgerald, is the name of one of John's favorite athletes, Larry Fitzgerald. He's a WR on the AZ Cardinals. Go HERE to see more about "Fitz."

Names

People always are talking about kids names and we are happy to say we have agreed on the name Fitgerald.

Update on Life

We moved back to Utah about 2.5 weeks ago, and so far we enjoy it. School JUST started. Here's to hoping we still enjoy it in 2.5 more weeks.

We had a really great time in Phoenix. We loved living in my grandparents guest house and seeing family all the time. I don't think my grandparents, or Johns family, realized how grateful we were to have them around this summer. It was nice to get to know all of them so much better.

I'm not really sure how many people read this blog, but I thought I'd give a quick update of our current situation. I've had a couple friends ask me lately when I'll get pregnant or random questions similar to that. While I am glad that they think I could be a great Mother, it just won't be happening anytime soon. John was diagnosed with cancer over 6 years ago now and knew back than that he didn't have the ability to have kids (he refers to it as having no "swimmers"). We had hoped that maybe over the years his "swimmers" had decided to swim again, but we weren't sure. We discussed this in depth last summer while we were dating and throughout our courtship. I told John that I didn't care wheter or not he had "swimmers," b/c I knew I loved him. I'd rather spend my life with a guy who treats me well and loves me, and I know is perfect for me, then end up with some random guy who can have kids. (i hope that makes sense)

A couple weeks before we got married we debated whether or not he should get tested so I would know whether or not I needed to go on birth control. We decided against being tested before we got married b/c I had a feeling if it was negative I would be even more emotional with the stress of getting married. I think we made a great choice. Our wedding day was simply perfect.

A couple weeks after we were married we went down to the fertility center and I tried to be as supportive as I could. Since this was all new to us, and especially me, I brought along a book to read and sat in the waiting room while he took the 'test.' After reading, or more like looking at words and flipping pages, he came out and just said, "lets go. I don't want to talk about it." I kind of laughed and wanted to know when we would get the results. We took the test on a Thursday and John left for 9 days at cancer camp on Friday afternoon. Our results came in the mail on Monday. I went over to John's house during our lunch break to pick up the letter and tried to warn John's mom, Betsy, and his sister, Mandy, that I would cry. I didn't know what the results were, but I knew I would cry. Sure enough, I picked up the letter and started crying. I decided I would wait until Monday night to open it b/c I wanted to be on the phone with John. However, I can be very impatient, and opened the letter like 10 min later. I have never read anything like that before so I really didn't know what I was looking for. After seeing "0"s across the page and figuring that "0"s meant "no swimmers" and then reading, "nothing found when running the test at ..." and lots of technical terms, I knew right then that I should've waited for John! Oh well. Too late. I walked in and told my Grandma, then called Johns house. (I really hope this doesn't sound too depressing, I just think it's easier to explain it to everyone now, instead of doing it again and again over the phone).

I am so grateful and feel so blessed b/c my family and in-laws really are so good to me. John & I figured the results would be negative, but of course we had to know. It was probably one of the longest weeks of my life, yet I honestly believe, that I have grown so much. I really wish John was there with me, but I'm also glad he was gone b/c I did not want him to see me sad or in tears. I do not blame him and would never want to change him. Having cancer made him who he is today. In the grand scheme of things, being able to have kids is not as important as having him around. I have a friend going through a divorce right now, and I feel like her problem is much bigger than mine.

While John was still at cancer camp (he was a counselor for the week), my Dad came to Phx for some meetings. He was there on Wed and we were able to spend a couple of hours alone together. I truly believe that I have the best dad in the world. Anytime I have been scared, or need something, or can't figure things out, my Dad has always been there for me. Being the 2nd of 5 girls in my family I know that my Dad is spread out between all of us, but I feel like I have such a good relationship with him. The only time I cried at my wedding was when I danced with my Dad and he told me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me. (i know I should say it was when I saw John, but I can't lie). Anyways, spending a couple hours just chatting with my Dad and being with him helped me carry on. Before I dropped him off at the airport he gave me a Father's blessing. He told me it was probably the last Father's blessing he will probably ever give me now that I am married. I never thought about that before, and that blessing meant so much more b/c of that. In the blessing he restated just about everything I had been praying for over the past week. I had been asking for comfort, strength, and understanding. I received them all. I am so grateful for the Gospel and for knowing that my prayers are heard.

Of course there are times when I still get sad or cry, and I doubt that will change much. When I look back to the day I got the results I felt like my world had totally shifted. In a way, that's so true. I am now learning how to adjust to this new shift of life. There are times when I see a mother with a bunch of kids and I just think to myself, "that mom is not paying any attention to those kids. Does she really deserve them? I do. I'll just take them. Maybe she won't even notice." Is that wrong of me to think? Probably. But I can't help it.

I believe that everyone is given trials in their lives. If this is my main trial in my life then I guess I should be sad all the time. However, I am trying to learn to count my blessings. I am blessed with a wonderful and supporting family. I have a husband who loves me, and is always there for me. I have the chance to gain an education and I have the Gospel in my life. So what if I won't be able to have John's babies. I have what I really need. The Lord is mindful of my needs. Somehow, over the next couple years, I know I will get my family. I will be a mother someday. It may not be how I have always imagined, but I know as long as I stay faithful and strong that Heavenly Father will help me out. He's carried me this far. I intend on keeping him on my side.